I've been navigating through cultures for a good part of my life now. Of course, there are all these years in the States, now in Western Canada, lived in France, spent a good chunck of time in Central America. I'm comfortable in francophone and anglophone environments, and to some extent in Latin American cicrles as well, but this intercultural éprouvette doesn't come without its drawbacks. Of course there are the linguistic gaps that I experience every ****ing day of my life, in all three languages, but the kind of experience that I am thinking of now is more sort of anthropological.
So I've been wondering about how to behave both in my native Francophone culture and my borrowed Anglo culture with respects to how one is supposed to respond to compliments. I get a sense that the way to acknowledge receipt of a compliment is different (hum... perhpas I should ask my dissertation advisor on this one... she wrote a book on the damn thing!), but I am helplessly confused as to which culture requires which kind of response. It's odd, isn't it? I should know... but as time went by it's as if I blended the two cultures together and now every time that I get a compliment, I feel socio-pragmatically incompetent.
So, let me ask you this question: what would be your most natural answer to the following compliment:
- Oh, I really like your sunglasses!
a) I got them on sale at the Sun Hut.
b) They're not bad.
c) Thanks!
d) Aren't they cute?
e) Do you want to try them on?
I'm really curious to what you will respond... as of knowing whether it will solve my sociolinguistic awkardness, that's another story, so forgive me in advance if I give you a weird answer to your next compliment to me!
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c, then a, in that order.
Just don't ask me which culture I got those assumptions from, 'cause I can't keep track at this point...
Twilight zone! I chose c then a, exactly as IP had. Being that we're both native speakers of English, I'd say that's a safe response. Witness, however, that we come from two countries and still used the same response. Or perhaps this is just another example of her albertan acculturation? Mwa ha ha ha. Perhaps your time is coming, QA.
I have a tough time with pragmatics, too. I find this is when I'm most prone to accidentally offending Francophones. Sometimes my responses are not entirely appropriate for the context. The other day, for example, I was joking around with a co-worker, who had gotten a little out of hand in her joke-making. I replied "je pense que tu es en train de devenir folle", something she found mildly offensive. I know this because she replied in return, "c'est pas gentil, ça." I think I probably should have said something with an interrogative twist, like, "est-ce que tu perds la boule, toi?" or "qu'est-ce qui te prend?"
The two situations I find nearly always difficult are 1) meeting people and 2) saying "you're welcome."
As for 1), can I always say "enchanté"? Is it gender-dependant? Do you only use it when someone is being introduced to you?
As for 2), my default response to absolutely everything is, "pas de problème." And to be honest, I don't even know how French that response is. Sure, sure, there's always "pas de quoi", "il n'y a rien là", "pas de trouble" or "ne t'en fais pas", but I think I've aligned my response with my common English response "no problem." Sigh. Pragmatics suck.
That's interesting that both IP and AP have responded the same. I find myself wanting to answer something like b) or, in French, "ouais, elles sont pas mal, hein?"
Ap: I would have probably said to your colleague, "arrête de niaiser!" or "franchement!" but since I don't know the exact context, it's hard to tell.
For 1): "Enchanté/e" sounds a bit formal to me. I'd simply "salut" after being introduced to a friend of a friend. And there is really nothing equivalent, when leaving the conversation, to "it was nice to meet you" although I find myself, in French, to flag my leave taking with "ça m'a fait plaisir de te rencontrer" and feel awkward as I'm saying this. There's nothing wrong with it per se, but something's off..
For 2): I find myself wanting to avoid "bienvenue" and often use "de rien". I would use "pas de problème" if the merci would be in return to a favour.
But what I'm mostly interested in here are cases where your L2 identity comes back to haunt you in your L1: do you ever feel akward in your own language as a result of bi-cultural blending, so to speak?
Ok... I asked a few friends and here is what they answered:
Monique (American, speaks French fluently): I would choose a, c or d. I can't pick just one! Honestly, it would
probably be a combination of the three as in "Thanks. They're cute,
aren't they? I just got them on sale at Macy's."
Marie-Anne (Canadian, anglo dominant, part of family French-Canadian): I think no matter what, I would start my response with "Thanks." Depending on the situation, I could imagine saying any of the four other things afterwards. If it was a stranger, I think I would say just "Thanks" or "Thanks! I like them too!" (which is sort of like d) or "Thanks! Yeah, they're not bad..."
If it's someone I know, or know well, I might say a) or e)... But I would also expect that some people will respond to my own "Thanks!" with "Where'd you get them"... so -- if they want to go the route of a), it's up to them to ask the question directly. :)
My only intuition about French is that I feel it would be weird to answer a compliment in French with a). But I know that in French I usually just say "Ah, merci..." and then some version of either b) or d), depending on whether I really think the thing or not.
Esther (American, speaks French fluently): I'd pick C. I don't know if responding to a
compliment is just a cultural thing, it's also something that you learn from your parents / environment. I know some people who always seem so at ease
with this, while others are uncomfortable with it. I've never been good at it and no matter what I say it feels awkward. I probably would have no idea where I got the sunglasses except maybe TJ Maxx or I found them on the street or something!
Thanks, girls!
Another voice to add to your poll, I'd probably just say C, maybe, maybe I would add B, but I would likely not say A and definitely not say D or E. Although if they did ask to try them on, I'd be happy to let them, but just telling them they can try it on, I'd feel presemptuous.
Also, telling them where I bought it, I don't have a problem with it if they want to know, but just blurting it out I would feel is just sort of unnecessary information.
As for D, I feel that would just be bragging.
I get the impression that when you get a compliment, you should play it down, because anything else would be insulting.
And for the record, I'm Acadian, but I think I'm a bit culturally confused, since my late teens I consume mainly Asian media, particularly Japanese television shows (not animes, TV dramas) and Korean movies, but I've never been there, so I'm not sure to what extent that influences what I accept as socially normal, but I do sometimes catch myself bowing when I apologize, greet people politely, or accept compliments actually, then I remind myself of how odd that must look.
JF:
Thanks for your perspective. So far only females had answered, which might be a bias as well. Other than all being female, all are at least bi-cultural... which is a problem too. You mention being a fan of Asian media, but what about your Acadian identity... isn't too bringing a sort of cultural multiplicity?
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